Pronouns & Neopronouns: What are they, how are they used and who uses them?
Misgendering is the use of incorrect gendered terms such as names and pronouns, and it's one of the most common issues trans and non-binary people face.
Many cisgender (non trans) people get confused and anxious around what pronouns to use, with the biggest worry about getting it wrong and causing offence.
So let’s take a look at both Pronouns and Neopronouns, what they are, who might use which, and what to do if you're not sure what to use.
What are Pronouns?
OK, a quick English lesson!
Collins Dictionary defines pronouns as :
A word that you use to refer to someone or something when you do not need to use a noun, often because the person or thing has been mentioned earlier. Examples are 'it', 'she', 'something', and 'myself'.
And Nouns as :
A noun is a word such as ' car', ' love', or ' Anne' which is used to refer to a person or thing.
Nouns identify a person or object, and pronouns refer to that object without using its name.
That's it, lesson over. Let's get onto the important stuff.
Why are Pronouns Important?
Very simply, pronouns are a statement of who that person is.
Pronouns matter. Using the pronouns that correctly reflect who a trans person is has a direct, proven, positive impact on mental health.
They act as connection between the three basic concepts of personal expression: how a person feels inside, how we see ourselves, and how other people see us. They usually reflect a person’s gender identity, but not always.
For cisgender people who are not part of the LGBTQ+ community, that identity aligns with their sex assigned at birth - so male cisgender people will use He / Him, and female cisgender people will use She / Her. In these cases the pronouns refer to both that person’s sex and identity.
For LGBTQ+ people it can be very different.
Some cisgender lesbians will use He / Him pronouns to reflect their identity, for example, and gay men may refer to other gay men they are friends with as She / Her, or other feminine gendered terms.
When it comes to transgender and non-binary people, personal gender can get very complicated, and this can be reflected in the pronouns people use.
Transgender women will use She / Her pronouns, and transgender men He / Him pronouns - reflecting that their identity is completely and exclusively opposite to their assigned sex at birth.
What about Non-Binary people?
This is where it gets really interesting! There are many, many different non-binary identities, and they appear in many different ways.
They / Them pronouns are most commonly used by non-binary people in the UK at the moment. Use of the singular (referring to one person) They dates back almost 800 years. You will often find that Agender (no gender identity) or Queer (gender expansive, gender non-conforming) non-binary people may use They / Them exclusively.
However, you will also see combinations of pronouns used by non binary people, for example She / Them, They / He, or even He / She. Using combinations of pronouns can mean a couple of different things:
The person is happy for either pronoun to be used whatever the situation
Or
The person uses different pronouns in different situations
For example, someone who is gender fluid may switch between male (he / him) and female (she / her), and they may dress to reflect either aspect of their identity. It should be noted that gender fluidity doesn't just mean switching from male to female and back again - it can equally mean switching between agender (they / them) and female (she /her), or any two or more genders.
What about Neopronouns?
Collins Dictionary defines neopronouns as:
a recently coined pronoun, especially one designed to avoid gender distinctions.
Very simply, neopronouns are any pronouns that are not he / she or they. And they’re not new either, despite the name.
One of the oldest neopronouns is “thon”, one of the first gender-neutral pronouns in the English language. Coined by the American composer Charles Crosby Converse in 1858, Thon/Tho pronouns are a contraction of the term “that one” - and it was still in use in the 2019 US census!
Some of the more common neopronouns are listed below, however there are too many to list them all.
Subject |
Object |
Possessive determiner |
Possessive pronoun |
Reflexive |
| ae | aer | aer | aers | aerself |
| ey | em | eir | eirs | emself |
| fae | faer | faer | faers | faerself |
| xe | xem | xyr | xyrs | xemself |
| ze | hir | hir | hirs | hirself |
| ze | zir | zir | zirs | zirself |
You can find a more detailed explanation of neopronouns and other examples here.
What if you don't know a person’s pronouns?
It’s best not to assume what pronouns a person may use, especially based on how a person is dressed or acts. Not everyone has the choice of being able to dress in a way that reflects who they are.
An easy way to remember is to use Ask / Listen / Respect.
Ask - ‘How would you like me to refer to you?’
Listen - Pay attention to what the person tells you, as use may be situational.
Respect - You may not agree or understand why someone uses different pronouns, but using a person’s stated pronouns shows you respect them as a person.
For trans people, pronouns are a deeply personal indicator of identity, and you’ll see the term ‘personal pronouns’ commonly used. Some however may use the term ‘preferred pronouns’, which indicates that use is optional for that person alone.
What if you get it wrong?
Getting a person’s pronouns wrong is known as ‘misgendering’, and contrary to what you might have read in the UK newspapers, you can't be arrested for misgendering someone once.
We all make mistakes, and mistakes can be more common when you've known someone for a long time as a different gender.
If your mistake is genuine, simply apologise, correct yourself and try to do better next time.
If you are deliberately misgendering someone however, that is abusive and offensive. Misgendering someone deliberately, maliciously and repeatedly may be seen as harassment, and may be viewed and reported as a hate crime.
In either case, it is important to recognise that misgendering someone has a negative impact on that person’s mental health, as what you are saying is ‘I don’t see or respect you as the person you are’.
Should you use pronouns in your email signature?
Some employers allow people to include your own pronouns in your email signature, and it’s a good idea for a few different reasons :
It normalises asking for, and giving pronouns in advance.
It means you don't have to guess what gender someone is based on their name
It can signify that you are inclusive, and a safe person for an LGBTQ+ person to communicate with.
Not everyone has a name that is easily identifiable as belonging to a particular gender, sometimes because they are from a different cultural background, or you may be communicating with someone who is unfamiliar with your cultural background.
We hope you’ve found this little guide useful.